Dreams of a Knight
by ntrophi
Summary: Seifer - injured after his battle with Squall and SeeD - reflects on just why he became Ultimecia's Knight, and what is keeping him going. Reviews only too welcome.


Author note: Just a little brief piece concerning Seifer and the dreams he loves so much. Bit of a departure from my usual work (I'm a humorist, goshdarnit!) so excuse the crumminess! Tis set just at the end of disc 2, after you beat Edea.

Thankies for reading. Cookies to those who reviews. Scrunched up copies of "Wallfitter monthly" to those who don't!

Enjoy!

Thinking. He had a lot of time to do that right now. He was too weak to say anything, or to stagger to his feet and stop them from attacking her. All he could do was think – think about what he had done and what he would lose because of it.

My dreams…

He could still remember the first time it happened; the first time she had taken him to the dream world and shown him just how great he could be. He called them "dreams" but he knew they weren't really. They were illusions – hallucinations sometimes – created by her to keep him loyal. Any other fool would have rejected her and what she offered, knowing that they were being deceived, but not him.

The first time had been an intense experience. He – not knowing what to expect – had been dragged into this new world, not knowing whether he was still alive or not. Indeed, at first it had felt as though he was dying; that searing, slicing pain raging in his chest as she urged him to close his eyes. Closing his eyes had been the last thing on his mind as the pain intensified – spreading all over his body - eventually becoming so great that he had to let out as quiet a cry as he could muster without losing his pride.

And then – as suddenly as it had started – it stopped. He had opened one eye gingerly, and gazed in awe at what stood before him.

This was not only his first dream, but the first time he saw his Sorceress without her disguises. She was more magnificent than he could have imagined; exactly how the Sorceresses should be. Tall and beautiful - in his eyes at least – she commanded a kind of silent respect that he was only to happy to give her. She wanted - no – she needed him, and for that she was willing to help him cross the boundary that had held him back all his life.

_Say goodbye to your childhood…_

Some of the first words she had ever spoken to him, and the ones that were ever engraved on his heart. All his life he had been all too concerned with childish things. His desire to pick fights was just a way of letting off some of the utter frustration he felt. Everyone thought he was troublesome.

But Ultimecia. His Ultimecia. She could see beyond that. She knew what he really was, and what he wanted to be.

_You don't want to be a boy anymore?_

It was as if she had dipped into his mind and was pulling out his thoughts one by one. How could she know all that? He knew now, of course. He had seen her demonstrate her power enough times to know that reading his thoughts was a simple matter to her. Not only did she provide him with an escape from childhood, but she gave him the dreams. He knew that he would never be able to leave her; the thought of living without what she provided him was one that he tried not to have.

It would always happen the same way. She would take him into the dream world – the world where he could gaze upon her in all her resplendence – and he would kneel before her like the obedient Knight he was. And then…

Words could not describe it. A million images and feelings would flash through his mind suddenly, leaving him reeling and disorientated. It was like dying and being reborn. Pure euphoria. He would see the past, the present and even rare glimpses of the future. Even though he knew that these images were not the truth – that what he saw would not come to pass – he wanted to believe them. He always saw himself - the great Knight triumphing over the evil SeeDs as they tried to destroy his Sorceress. How he had lived – how he had even existed – before she had provided him with such delights was still a mystery to him. Now he craved them every moment of the day. He needed them, and for that he relied on her – just as she relied on him. But his need went deeper than hers. If he wasn't allowed to dream, then he…

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push that thought away. He had more to worry about. Now he knew, he knew for certain that what she told him was not real. For he had lost. He had been defeated by the SeeDs in what should have been his greatest triumph. He should have been the victor, driving the others to their knees. It shouldn't have been like this…

He longed for her to show herself to him again – to drag him away into the dream world he desired so much. He wanted her to let him have just one more dream… Just one more taste of the Heaven she had prepared for him. He didn't care that he was a slave. All he wanted was what she gave him.

But now? Now that he had failed her, would she cast him away; leaving him stranded in the darkness while some other, more worthy warrior indulged in the dreams in his place? He couldn't even bear the thought of having them taken away. He wanted to see her to ask her forgiveness for his failure. But she had left him. He was alone once more.

Pain.

It burned through him as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling of the auditorium. It wasn't his wounds that bothered him – they were mere scratches to him. But the other pain – the one that he was unable to finds words to describe. The image of him – of Squall – stood over him before moving to attack the Sorceress. It wasn't supposed to work like that. Squall was supposed to be defeated…

I failed…

That was the only thought running through his mind right now. That was all he would allow himself to think. How could this have happened? How could he have failed? She… She had been relying on him, and he had failed her. Now she would never let him dream again; she would never let him partake in the Paradise she had planned.

He blinked away the tears that were threatening to well up, and tried to move his gunblade arm gingerly. It was no good; the pain was enough to make him gasp and lie back - now helpless like the child he had once been.

Like the child he still was…

How? How did it happen? That was the only thought that continued to go through his head, even as there was a slight movement out of the corner of his eye. He was stronger than they were – he always had been. Even when they were children, he would always win the fights. So why now? Why had he been beaten – why had he failed in front of her when she was expecting him to be at his greatest?

_Pathetic fool…_

Those two words hurt him more than any injury could. She… She was disappointed in him. He was not the proud Knight she had wanted.

He was still a boy…

He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. Once Squall and the rest found him here, they would no doubt drag him away – away from her and away from his destiny. Would he be killed? It was no less than he deserved.

_My brave Knight, Seifer…_

His eyes snapped open as he heard those words; spoken to him as they always had been. Suddenly it hit him; he had been dragged away from reality and taken to her – to the dream world. But she couldn't… Not now… Not when they were so close… If he didn't stay alert, then they would take him away from her forever.

Any argument he may have had disappeared as his vision cleared. She was there, more glorious than ever. He followed that undying urge to kneel before her; to try and beg forgiveness for the failure he had endured.

'I…' he started, but she held up a hand and shook her head.

_Your Sorceress is alive… Your Sorceress demands…_

Seifer felt compelled to listen; he always did. There was something about her voice; something he had never felt before she had taken him as her Knight. Before she had started to speak to him like this – dragging him away from the conscious world and into her dreams – he had always felt empty, unfulfilled.

Scared…

But now, when she spoke to him, he felt full of a purpose at last. He was her Knight. She had chosen him from all the warriors in the world to protect her and ensure that her goal was reached. He nodded slightly, showing that he was listening to her words.

_Find the Lunatic Pandora, said to be hidden beneath the sea… Find it…_

He nodded again. The Lunatic Pandora. A swirl of colours flashed before his eyes, almost making him stagger backwards. With the colour came a strange sense; one that he never got tired of feeling. It was the feeling of victory; of power. It was the euphoria he craved all his waking hours. He let out a gasp, nodding more vigorously. He would find it.

_Find it, and soon you shall have dreams again…_

She purposefully trailed off there, leaving that pit of worry in the back of Seifer's mind – that niggling thought that had troubled him ever since he had fallen to Squall's blade. What if he didn't find it; what if he failed her again? Would she… Would she take them away? Would she take away his dreams; the dreams that he had been relying on to keep him strong all this time? He looked up into her eyes – into those hard, cruel eyes – and he saw his answer. She would. She knew how hard this had all been for him. It hadn't been easy, leaving everything he had ever known and cared for behind. The dreams… They were what kept him going; the knowledge that someone out there needed him, and relied on him. Only when he was with her, did he feel and peace. The rest of his life was engulfed in that pain; that horrible feeling of loneliness.

'Y-you can't take them away…' he whispered, feeling much less than the proud Knight he was supposed to be. Her smile twisted slightly as she stared down at him; the smile never reaching her cold, hard eyes.

_Then you must not fail. You must find the Lunatic Pandora. You must get Ellone._

Seifer nodded, much more vigorously than he had planned.

'I-I won't fail you, my Sorceress…' He spoke no more, but in his heart he continued.

I must not fail you…

His eyes opened again; his blurred vision slowly clearing to show her knelt beside him, holding her head to his chest. If anyone else had been watching, they would have seen Rinoa there, uncharacteristically holding him. But he could see deeper than that. He could see her – his Sorceress – the one he had pledged to risk his life for again and again. No. She wouldn't take his dreams away.

She wouldn't, because he wouldn't fail now.

He stood up, brushing aside Rinoa's cold hand. Lunatic Pandora. Hidden beneath the ocean. He would find it. His Sorceress demanded that he did so.

'As you wish, Ultimecia,' he said softly, the pain receding from his mind. The promise of new dreams and new battles strengthened him as he took that first step away. A minor setback. That was all this was. It had been put right now, and soon he would be able to strike the final blow.

For you, my Sorceress…

For you and my dreams…


End file.
